For a couple to work, trust is essential, many people ask how to increase fidelity and desire when you are married, for Walter Rizo speaks of “the loss of basic trust as a very serious trigger, in the couple”.
By loving, we become vulnerable and, therefore, we can end up as Alejandro Sanz tells us: “with a broken heart”.
How to increase Fidelity and desire when you are married
Opening myself to the other, giving myself and being calm, is basic trust, and it can only be achieved when these four fundamental criteria are met, according to Rizo:
- You will be there when I need you
- You will protect me when it is necessary to do so
- You will be sincere in the fundamental
- Never, and under no circumstances, will you intentionally hurt me.
There are many variables involved in fidelity. There are reasons to be unfaithful, like stars in the sky. Among these many variables we have our unresolved issues from childhood, the commitment made, the intensity of love, communication and how we face problems.
If it’s me being with you, intimacy, desire, sexual life, our differences and the “opportunity” to be unfaithful. The possibility always exists. The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.
We can all be unfaithful, we are all at risk. Every relationship has “little holes” where another can enter. If we don’t take care of the passion, the desire, we are opening a big hole. We worry about beauty, the body, surgeries, being slim or athletic, but none of that is decisive, even if it is important.
Whenever I talk about this I think of Princess Diana: beautiful, elegant, well-dressed, young, but Prince Charles fell in love with a rather ugly woman.
Her relationship with her began when he was married to someone else. He married Diana and that situation continued, despite everything and the consequences.
Desire is based on intimacy, on not leaving problems unresolved, on being myself by your side, without poses or lies. It doesn’t stay for a beautiful body, and it goes easy out the window. And when it’s gone, it’s hard to get it back.